“Your life is controlled by what you focus on.” I read this Tony Robbins quote when I was diagnosed with scleroderma in 2014, and my takeaway was to focus on my strength and will to survive.
I came across this quote again, eight years later. Only this time, I realized I was still putting my disease at the forefront of my life. Each decision was calculated based on how my body would respond. Each choice was made with my diagnosis in mind. Scleroderma was still in control of my life. I was so focused on being one step ahead of it that I didn’t realize I was being smothered by it. No matter how strong I was mentally, there wasn’t a day my thoughts didn’t revolve around my sickness. Even going to a restaurant included plans to combat the air conditioning and Raynaud’s war I would undoubtedly have. But why did I have to plan? My normal routine included storing extra gloves, blankets, and sweatshirts in all our cars. Just like putting on underwear before my pants, there was no need to plan and worry.